
PLOT SUMMARY:
The book Altogether You, introduces the concepts of a therapy called Internal Family Systems (IFS), created originally by Richard Schwartz. The author clearly illustrates how this model of therapy, which focuses on an individual’s internal system, connects to Christianity. Through the lens of IFS, readers will see where the source of their pain comes from and how individuals can often perpetuate their own pain despite their good intentions. Key terms such as exiles, protectors (managers and firefighters), and the core self are introduced. With the integration of Christianity and IFS, the author classifies the core self as the individual’s Imago Dei, known as the Image of God. Looking into the deep compassion of Jesus Christ and integrating stories from characters in the Bible with the key ideas in IFS, a profound explanation of human behavior emerges. At the end of every chapter, there is a section designed to take the reader deeper. The exercises and discussion questions solidify the content of the chapter in an experiential manner so readers can practice diving into their own internal system. By the end of the book, readers understand how to recognize when they are operating from their Image of God core self, and they are given 4 concrete steps that show the path toward an awareness and connection to oneself in a way that brings wholeness, inner peace, and more fulfilling relationships.
EVALUATION:
Riemersma takes an abstract and complex topic, and turns it into something readers can digest. Not only does she incorporate many of her own real life examples, she also integrates her faith and the deep truths she has come to experience about God. Using Jesus as the model of goodness and recognizing the different emotions that He carried, enables readers to understand that their emotions are good too; in fact, emotions are guides into truth: “Somewhere along the line, we’ve missed the reality that our negative emotions are among the most important guides to our inner health—if we listen to them” (42). Riemersma continues, “I need to listen to my anger to know that I’ve had a boundary violated. I need to listen to my loneliness to know that I need to invest in deep relationships…I need to listen to my stress and irritability to know that I’m out of balance and need rest or reprioritization”(43). Self-doubt, depression, worthlessness, addiction, inadequacy, are just a few topics that she discusses with deep empathy and insight. Over the course of the book, the reader becomes clear about the internal struggle of feeling like a part of them wants to do one thing, but another part of them feels diametrically opposed and desires something totally different. It is evident why the IFS lens is so dynamic in helping people get unstuck from years of deeply entrenched patterns through the way Riemersma illuminates human nature and the mindsets people develop around their pain. This book explains mental health in a very non-pathological, non-shaming manner.
THIS BOOK IS APPLICABLE FOR THE FOLLOWING:
(It is recommended that the exercises in this book are best utilized and safest for readers already working with a therapist.)
-Readers interested in learning more about IFS and “parts work” through a spiritual lens:
“We can endure anything when we are seen, really seen, and known and held. This is the grace of the God Image—a being with in love and compassion…..the very essence of God-with-us… the very opposite of Spiritualizing, which is a separating, isolating, shaming encounter” (Riemersma 143).
-Readers who are living with someone struggling with addiction:
“…when loving family and friends try to rescue their loved ones from the consequences of their addiction, they remove the gift of pain….but taking away pain is actually the cruelest thing we can do for someone caught in the grip of addiction” (Riemersma 43).
-Readers who are struggling with addiction and do not understand why they rage, over-eat, self-harm, etc. They feel at war with themselves; they force themselves to stop one harmful behavior, but are now playing whac-a-mole with their addictions:
“With that approach, he might put down the drink, but he’ll have to pick up smoking or eating or another firefighter because the pain is unaddressed” (Riemersma 130).
-Christian readers who have felt guilty for having mental health struggles. They feel like they are not ‘Christian’ enough:
“…I didn’t want to be shamed or judged by any version of ‘stop it’ or ‘try harder.’ I had moments of wishing I had a health struggle instead of my actual struggles,… if I were in the hospital, I could be on the prayer chain and people would bring my family casseroles. Let me say it a different way. I wished I had cancer so I could be honest at church” (Riemersma 11).
-Readers who want to better understand how people can unknowingly use religion at times to bypass the deeper work of the soul:
“The problem comes when we try to force a spiritual solution without first asking or caring about the whys… Why am I anxious? Why do I drink too much? Why am I over-or undereating? Why do my relationships keep faltering?” (Riemersma 10).
-Readers who want to start the deeper work of understanding their internal landscape and positively affect their relationships:
“…if we are screaming at someone in rage, they are unlikely to see our pain; they are likely to develop their own pain and their own defended parts to protect them from our rage. All of which moves us further away from our goal of being seen…” (Riemersma 187).
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