Boundaries For Your Soul:

How to Turn Your Overwhelming Thoughts and Feelings into Your Greatest Allies

by Alison Cook and Kimberly Miller

PLOT SUMMARY:

Boundaries For Your Soul is co-authored by Alison Cook and Kimberly Miller. It is written from both a Christian perspective and a psychological perspective. Using Internal Family Systems, a therapy modality which works with the internal parts of a person’s psyche, this book discusses how boundaries can operate from within. Chapters contain relatable, real life anecdotes and scripture that pairs with the concepts.

We can all get stuck in unhealthy patterns when our emotions are either too close (overwhelming us) or too far (cutting us off from vital information). Part one includes a quiz which informs readers where they are on this continuum. It also discusses how to listen to our Spirit-led self and provides psychoeducation on our three parts: managers, firefighters, and exiles.

Part two includes detailed steps which bring us back to internal balance, regardless of where we land on the continuum. It offers a clear look at five steps of change that allow us to take a “You-Turn” before getting off course: focus, befriend, invite, unburden, and integrate. Stories with pertinent examples are woven throughout.

Part three is a deep dive into the specifics of the most challenging emotions: anger, fear, anxiety, sadness, envy, desire, guilt, and shame. The causes of these intense emotions and their benefits, dangers, needs, and fears are discussed.

“This book presents an approach that integrates boundaries concepts with IFS concepts—interpreted through a Christian lens” (Cook/Miller xvii).

EVALUATION:

When we see a book written by two Christian counselors that combines all their knowledge about the internal landscape of emotion with their knowledge of the scriptures, we know we have come across an in-depth piece of literature. These two authors draw on a vast array of client experiences as well as their own life lenses -seen through their different personalities.

They point out valuable truths that apply to so many of us: “The most common response to unwanted impulses is to insist, I need to get over it or, I’ve got to stop thinking that way. In our experience as counselors, we’ve found that this approach rarely works” (Cook/Miller xvi).

They offer an approach that doesn’t only work for a week or a season and then peter out when transition comes. The approach they offer works to change our inner life and rewire new pathways for responses. It is an approach with lasting results, not a short cut with temporary benefit.

THIS BOOK IS APPLICABLE FOR THE FOLLOWING:

-Readers eager to calm their internal states and move through their overwhelming feelings with grace and dignity --owning their part of a situation.

“After all, internal conflict is growth trying to happen….Whether or not you were provoked unjustly, however, it’s most helpful to notice how you responded to the situation. Taking a You-Turn helps you gain clarity about your own thoughts and feelings so you can respond intentionally instead of becoming overwhelmed” (Cook/Miller 9).

-Parents brave enough to look into their past and eager to turn chaos into calm for the long-term benefit of their marriages and their children.

(Kim’s father speaking in her story) “You think I want to look at what I’ve swept under the rug all these years?” This stance toward pain cost him three marriages. It’s no wonder I love the saying, ‘Life’s too short to sweep the elephant under the rug’” (Cook/Miller 98).

-Readers ready to face their fears and alter their mindset.

“THE FEAR THAT MY MEMORY OF A LOVED ONE WILL FADE

 If I move forward with my own hopes and dreams, my loved one might be forgotten.

Response: I can create a space in my heart for this grief and still live my life. I can create rituals to remember the one that I love and move forward. “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be” (Ps. 139:16)” (Cook/Miller 105).