The soul of shame: retelling the stories we believe about ourselves

by Curt Thompson

A Book Review

PLOT SUMMARY:

The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves, written by psychiatrist, speaker, and author Curt Thompson, is entirely about the way shame behaves in the human psyche, it’s impact, it’s consequence, it’s roots, and the way we can dismantle it. It is written entirely from a Biblical perspective, incorporating theology and the design of God as the launching pad.

It is a thorough explanation of how the lens of shame is formed and the intricate way toxic shame distorts our view of self and others. Thompson understands the science of interpersonal neurobiology and uses that knowledge to reveal how shame changes our narratives. He offers modern, science-based solutions to healing the shame inside us.

Attachment science and a knowledge of how we bond as humans is also richly woven into the fabric of text, giving a conceptualization of toxic shame as the greatest disturber of relational cohesion.

Questions such as “What are we created for?” What is our purpose?” are also addressed in Thompson’s all-encompassing theology of shame.

EVALUATION:

Thompson masterfully reveals some of the most profound and vital truths about the psyche and shame. The anecdotes he sprinkles throughout the text are relatable and effective at making the concepts more understandable.

He writes with an encouraging hope message that, “…life is not about not being messy but about being creative with the messes we have; that ruptures will occur but resilience and life is to be found in how we repair them; and that Jesus has come not only to show us how to do all of the aforementioned but to empower us to do so…” (23).

The Christian theology, interpersonal neurobiology, and real life experiences are all aligned so seamlessly throughout the text that readers can easily make connections and start to see a bigger picture. Thompson combines the poetic and romantic sides of life with the rational and logical sides of life in a balanced and cohesive manner.

THIS BOOK IS APPLICABLE FOR THE FOLLOWING:

-Readers interested in understanding the demise of their most important relationships and interested in restoration of these relationships”

“It is not about the absence of ruptures but the faithful repair of ruptures, even when repair seems beyond the reach of our imaginations. Shame of course will do everything it can to interfere with the emergence of joy, curiosity and the creativity that inevitably ensues—even in the face of difficult relational circumstances” (Thompson 53).

-Readers interested in learning more about the mechanics of shame:

“When we experience shame, we tend to turn away from others because the prospect of being seen or known by another carries the anticipation of shame being intensified or reactivated. However, the very act of turning away, while temporarily protecting and relieving us from our feeling (and the gaze of the “other”), ironically simultaneously reinforces the very shame we are attempting to avoid. Notably, we do not necessarily realize this to be happening—we’re just trying to survive the moment” (Thompson 31).

-Readers who are parents, wanting to give their children a different story than the one they grew up with.

“To the degree that parents have done the necessary work to develop their own integrated minds, they will be able to foster secure attachment in their child. As Siegel has said, of all the variables that encourage the development of secure attachment in a child, the single most powerful one is the degree to which the child’s parent has made coherent sense of his or her own story” (Thompson 53).